In December 2017, I applied for an open PhD position at Aarhus University Department of Engineering in the group for Communication System, with Associate Professor Daniel E. Lucani as supervisor. The project is on the subject of improving the utilisation of multi-cloud storage and at the moment that is all I can say, but for sure more is to come. In March 2018, I was informed that I had been chosen as the one for the position and if I still would like to accept it. I did and started as a PhD Student on the first of August 2018. This post and those to follow, will cover my thoughts, doubts, and more about being a PhD Student.

First I will like to talk about the doubts which at least I had about becoming a PhD Student after I accepted the position. So I had been accepted WOHOO it had been my dream to become a PhD since the day I first started at Aarhus University back into 2009, though back then I wanted to end up the cryptography group in the Department of Computer Science. But amongst the joy of being accepted, I started doubting myself 1) Am I smart enough? 2) Can I do three more years at University? 3) Can I return to Aarhus University and not fail? and so on.

Am I smart enough? Well you idiot you where accepted where you not? Well yes! But let me tell you secret, I am highly insecure about my intelligence. When I take an IQ test I score between 127 and 138 depending on the IQ test, but every time I thought that it was just luck. I even have a fairly good GPA, surprise I became a PhD Student, but every time I got top mark, I thought that the examiner and co-examiner was too nice, I did not believe that I earned the grade it. I basically sounded like a winy little brat without any faith in my own abilities. However, after long discussion with a former project group member from Aalborg University, I came to accept that I might be smart enough and that I actually earned my grades and where I am. The idea do still come to the surface from time to time, especially when my colleagues discuss topic related to mathematical topics not covered by the curriculum in the Software Engineering program at Aalborg University. But, I have learned that it is okay to not know, as long as you are willing to learn, research a topic, and ask help when needed. This realisation real removed a mountain from both my chest and shoulders. Though I still have to work on the issue, I am much better now.

Can I do three more years at University? You have to think a lot about this before and after you apply for a PhD position and if you have the least bit of doubt. Start talking to current PhD Students and ask question about their experience. Do you think that you can handle it? Can you do that for three years. Most I talked to said a 40+ hours work week is to be expected, some even said higher. I already worked around that amount of time during my 9th- and 10th semester, so sure I could do it. But can I do it for three more years? I came to the conclusion, that the project sounded fun and interesting, so I was willing to accept three more years of this, so the answer to this was yes!

Can I return to Aarhus University and not fail? So for those who do not know my past I attend Aarhus University from September 2009 to approximately en October 2010, and for a lot of personal reasons including exam anxiety I dropped out. The psychological beating from that hurt a lot and to a certain extend still does. I thought that it was handled and that the it would just be another office, just in a different town. Well it was not, what I had not realised was that my office would be in the very building were I broke, this resulted in my very first day becoming a psychological slap in my face and I had to reevaluated my choice of becoming a PhD student, should I quit? Should I ask to move office? After a talk with my supervisor and some friends, I decided to stay and fight my demons. So now we just need to see if I fail or not.

So after almost a month, what I my thoughts on being a PhD Student? Well first of, it requires a lot more planning than being a ordinary student. You have to plan your day much more yourself, keep on track with monthly plans, courses, events, fit in research, fit in writing papers, give better estimates for how long time an experiment will take to conduct and so on. So if you are not good at time management you will be fucked. Secondly, no one expects you to be perfect from the start. You are suppose to become an expect, not start as one. This is a very important lesson as it lets you relax more from the start and give you room to grow as a student. Lastly, for this post, communication is your bread and butter. Communicate with secretaries, professors, other PhDs, other researchers and others are extremely important and if you do not learn it, you will fail.

I will try and keep this “series” going to document my time as a PhD Student, even if I fail.

-Lars Nielsen